I'm back! Cancer, therapy, and what's next

It has been a MINUTE you guys! There have been some big changes in my life and I want to share with you what’s been going on and what’s next.

In February this year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This felt completely surreal, I never in a million years thought I could get cancer. My blissful ignorance was because I knew nothing about cancer. I thought most of it was genetic, and since I was a healthy 38 year old with no family history of cancer, I never thought it would happen to me. I really want to emphasize how healthy I was - because as soon as people know you have cancer they assume it’s because you ate beef jerky and hung out at the old paint factory your whole life. My health is also what led me to ignore some signs that I did have cancer, because I didn’t even think it was a possibility. What I know now is that most of cancer is random. Only 10% of cancer has known genetic sources. I was the ideal candidate of health, I ate totally healthy, didn’t drink much alcohol, never smoked, exercised 5 days a week, and never hung out at the old paint factory. And yet … I was a 38 year old with cancer.

Every cancer is different, even in breast cancer there are different kinds, different stages, different treatment paths. I want to share a brief overview of my treatment path in case you or anyone you know gets handed this card, and you need someone to talk to who has done your kind of treatment. My treatment path has been AC chemo (if you know you know, this shit is brutal), Taxol chemo, double mastectomy with reconstruction, radiation, and estrogen suppression.

I worked with an amazing supervisor to find the best way to navigate telling clients something was going on, how much to tell them, referring clients, and still working with some clients. He helped me come up with a secure-attachment approach, not going into sudden abandonment of clients with no information, but also not bringing my fear or my unknowns into the sessions. I reduced my case load significantly, but I still worked throughout all of this with a few periods of time off depending on how intense the treatment was. I chose this because it was more mentally healthy for me to work, not because I felt I had to or needed to. I think it would be an equally good decision for someone who didn’t feel working was helping them.

One of the things I was the most afraid of was the effect of chemo on my brain, and if I would be able to still be a good therapist during the 5 months of chemo. You all know I’ve been a fan of Deliberate Practice for a couple years now, and this is where I leaned hard into what I’ve learned. I continued to practice and evaluate myself using the DP format, and continued to show tape to my supervisor so he could also have eyes on my work. What I’ve learned throughout this chapter of my life is that while healthy habits can’t prevent something bad from happening, those healthy habits can make going through the bad thing easier.

I’m not through all the treatment yet. As I type this, I’m 3 weeks out of my mastectomy and next stop is radiation. It’s surreal to think that as of January 2021, I went to the doctor once a year and had never been inside a hospital for medical reasons, and as I write this now my life is 50% doctors appointments and treatments. For a while I had hoped that this would be a blip on the radar, and now I know that my life will always be different - that there was a before, and now there is an after.

One thing that has stayed the same is my love for therapy and my passion for sharing what I find helpful. If you want to keep learning with me, join me on Instagram at @sentioinstitute. It’s a great community of like-minded learners.

Thank you all for learning along side me on this blog. I’ve loved every time I got to meet you at trainings or read one of your supportive emails. You all have helped me be a much better therapist than I would have ever been without you.

Final thoughts: if you have weird symptoms, get them checked out! My only symptom was that my left breast got a little indent in the bottom. I thought it was muscle-related. Do your breast exams lying down, I also couldn’t feel the tumor because I was doing my exams standing up in the shower.