How I'm Deliberately Practicing
Before I describe ways I’m using Deliberate Practice specifically, I want to keep it real by outlining my emotional process when it comes to improving my skills.
Wesley’s EFT Thought Process:
*Hang out in plateau state where I am working hard but also accepting that I can’t change all these couples who have decades of trauma, competing attachments, have never fully attached, or struggle with self-awareness
*Read about Deliberate Practice, go to an inspiring EFT training, or get really good supervision
*Hit inspiration high! I will get better! I will get cleaner at this! I’ll do sharper reflections! I’m going to help so many couples!! All my couples will heal!!!
*Look at my schedule for the next week and sink almost immediately into crashing depression. How will I change all these couples with all their struggles? I’m not good enough. Do I even help anyone? Does couples therapy even work??? Am I even a decent therapist??? Should I have done a different career path!!!????
*Regulate myself and even out with the goal of getting better but with small, achievable goals
This is why DP feels good to me. Instead of the goal being, “become a much better therapist!!!!!” the goal might be, “interrupt clients twice per session this week.”
Here are three DP practices I’m using:
1) Pick one small skill goal for the week. I’m really bad about letting my clients vent on and on, so I need to work on interrupting them. My goal for this week is to interrupt my more verbal clients twice per session when they go into venting mode. At the end of each day, I reflect on how that went, and what made it hard to do. I might write a sentence or two in my DP journal about how it went.
2) Pick one small goal for my very challenging couples prior to their session. When I prepare for tough couples, sometimes I feel like I’m going in saying – who knows? Try not to explode the session. Now I’m trying to focus on one small goal, like: Do one very strong validation for each person. Or, really explicitly link the trigger to the “uh-oh” feeling for the Pursuer. Having these tiny goals help me not feel so overwhelmed and helpless in session.
3) Once a week (I’ve picked Tuesday morning) I set aside an hour to watch one tape from the week. I pause the tape and practice saying things I wish I had said differently in session. I will only do this if I develop a habit that this one morning a week is always when I do this, because I will find a million reasons NOT to do this practice.
I will continue to share what I find helpful on this DP path. You may find other goals or practices help, I think a lot of this is about finding what works for you.