EFT Superpower - a guest post by Kelly Bourque

I received the Nashville EFT newsletter and was so moved by Kelly’s writing I asked her if I could share it with a wider audience. I’m so grateful she said yes! The Nashville EFT Center is also doing some exciting stuff I have listed at the end of the post.

EFT Superpower, by Kelly Bourque

I used to hide the fact that I'm hearing impaired. I wouldn't say I was ashamed of it. I just didn't want it to be a focus. I've always wanted to be "normal." Well. Guess what? I'm not normal - and it's a good thing! (That only came after my own therapy).

My inability to hear (I have hearing aids in both ears and without them I'm considered "severely hearing impaired") has significantly shaped me. I've adapted really well, but we can't have a conversation if my aids aren't in.

So, what does that mean for me in session? 

It means sometimes I have to change my hearing aid battery right in front of my clients because I can't keep going if I can't hear them. Sometimes my clients turn their head too far when doing an enactment and I have to ask them what they shared because I couldn't read their lips (I'm an amazing lip reader). I am starting to master simultaneously writing notes without looking at my notepad so I can keep my eyes on my clients.

The biggest advantage I have is my ability to read non-verbal cues. I've been hearing impaired since birth (and didn't get hearing aids until I was 5), so it was SURVIVAL for me to read non-verbals. Everyone reads non-verbal cues, but I don't know how not to. I can read the micro of micros of facial movement. A tiny little adjustment and I know to move in. I can catch emotion as it's forming.

So, my disability isn't such a disability after all.

I have a friend that has a significant trauma history. I call her when I need to have a felt sense of what a trauma response might be like. She helps me. She gets disorganized attachment. "It's both," she says. "It's needing to pursue AND withdraw and not knowing which strategy your body is going to choose and when."

Maybe being a pursuer is your superpower. You can feel the angst of a pursuer's need to be heard and the desperate cry for connection.

Maybe you're a withdrawer. You totally get what it's like to not know your “inner world” (what the heck is an “inner world”) and then to be expected to not only know it, but share it...quickly!

Are you divorced? You have the superpower of non-judgment. You get what it's like to try everything and have to put your relationship to its final rest. To grieve the loss of what you never had.

This is my challenge for you to USE your Superpower. If you haven't explored the fear that lies within that superpower - do that first.

Once we enter those places ourselves, out come empathy, grace and Therapist Superpower! I had to face my drive to overcompensate in order to be "normal." Once I faced that, I could let myself be impaired and my heart for myself is bigger because of it.

What's your Superpower? Might this be something you talk about in supervision or with your EFT bestie?

The Nashville Center for EFT is doing some very cool stuff, and it’s a fun place to visit, as well as do a training! They also host a HMT exclusively for therapists and their partners - ummm YEAH! Below is shared from Kelly:

Don't miss the EFFT (emotionally focused family therapy) training!! Gail Palmer and Jim Furrow are coming to Nashville - two amazing EFT trainers! 

EFFT 2-day training:  Healing Relationships and Promoting Resilience presented by Gail Palmer, RMFT, MSW and Jim Furrow, PhD, in Nashville, TN.  April 12 - 13, 2019.  Cost is $400 ($300 for Students/Military).  Click here for more information and to register. 

Lindsey Castleman, Mariam Coaster and Aron Strong (all EFT therapists) have launched a website and podcast looking at all things relational. Visit their website to listen to podcasts and read about upcoming events. Their next Created for Connection workshop is in February (but it's SOLD OUT!). If you're interested in helping facilitate - contact Lindsey through their website. If you want to send couples - keep in mind they have one coming up in June.

I've loved working with couples in the intensive format. For more information about that, visit: eftmarriageintensive.com

Tressa Gibbs and I are cooking up another Hold Me Tight for therapists and their spouses! This year, we're going to expand it to those working in ministry. We're working out the details, but thinking early May. Hang tight for final details. If you want to be first in line to sign up or help facilitate, email me and I'll hold a spot for you! bourquelmft@gmail.com