Trading in the Couch

So I finally replaced the couch I had in my office with the two EFT chairs. I thought about this for a long time. For me, changing the furniture was a big step. I knew this would mean a commitment to devoting myself to couples and to EFT when I made this shift. And I had to figure out a way to haul the couch out and get two nice chairs in that didn’t cost a fortune.

EFT comes with changes for a therapist. I changed from 50 minute sessions to 80 minute sessions. I started video-tapping sessions (with permission). I started booking in time before and after each couples session to give myself time to prepare and to decompress. I started using a clipboard with notes in session. That is a lot of change!

I think sometimes as growing EFT-ers we need to step back and look at all we are changing and taking on. The biggest change is in how we counsel our couples. It’s so hard to try and remember everything from Core Skills, or the chapter we just read, while sitting with a couple. “I think I’m supposed to link this into the cycle, but is it really an attachment feeling? What if I heighten this too much? What if I’m not heightening it enough?” And there’s also so much peripheral change happening in the process. It’s hard to sit closer to our couples, speak slower, learn a new way of taking notes in session.

If like me, you are constantly thinking of all the things you’re not doing well, maybe we could take a step back just for a minute, right now, and see all that we are doing and changing to be the best we can be for our clients. Wow. You are working so hard to be better and more effective for your couples.

The verdict on the two chairs is that I love them for my couples. The couples look more comfortable and can see each other better than when they’re side by side on the couch. I like being able to position my chair in the middle, and it helps them see me better, too. But it’s definitely an adjustment for my individual clients, who really liked the couch. I’m sensitive to that shift for them, that I’ve created change in their environment, too. I think couples work really stretches us to hold two people in the room. Man, that is such a learning edge for me. And we also hold our individuals, too. They can get scared we’ll drop them as we are expanding ourselves and our passion for couples. I’m grateful for this process of strengthening all of these muscles and learning to hold my clients inside and outside the room.